I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
