Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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