Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
