i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
did i walk over a car last night?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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