Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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