Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
