we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
