worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
