You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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