On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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