Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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