I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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