Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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