On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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