I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
