Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
