I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
