can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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