the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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