It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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