I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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