Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
two words...techno handjob
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
