Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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