This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
