Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Randomize
