He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
