And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize