so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
