i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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