her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The uberlube is also flammable
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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