if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
