I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
