ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
