My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
