a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
