But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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