Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
