bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
