Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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