but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
