How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
areolas are like halos for boobs.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
