i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
