the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
