You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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