WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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