A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize