My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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