her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
