is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
