I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
