her vagine was all disorganized.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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