i will never coherently bang her
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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