just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
