i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
