on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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