So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize