I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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