i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize