she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
