Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
