I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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