im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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