i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
