12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
