I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
