Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
