I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
