from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
