i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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