Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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