You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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