I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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