i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
