i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
