And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
