piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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