And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
