Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
