Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
