My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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