Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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