Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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